...But I Am

This seems to be a trend growing faster and faster amongst my friends, this blogging thing. And I am not 100% sure how I feel about this. Perhaps I will end up deleting the darn thing. But maybe not. I never know with me.


That is something that my friends and family also recognize in me--they never fully know what's up with me. Sure, they know me better than myself. For that, I am beyond grateful. I must admit, I am in a transitional phase in life. I am not certain (then again, will I ever be?) who exactly I am. Who exactly I will be. And the uncertainty is driving me up the wall. I make lists all of the time--scribbled post-its, doodled on body parts, etched in the walls of my brain. Even when I go to confession, I have a list in hand--well, I used to anyway. I guess one of the reasons that I am doing this--for now--is to let go. And let God.


Additionally, while I may appear to be the bubbly, bright, and buoyant gal bouncing about, I am also very closed-off. A very close friend of mine scolded me a few months ago: "It's easier to make a rock talk than you!" She is right. She is not the first person to make such a remark either, I assure you. Her words were very much like a rock that broke something dangerous within me. However, the point of this blog is not to open the world wide web up into my deepest, darkest secrets--nay, far from that. But perhaps I need to be more open to the world, the Mystical Body of Christ, that opens itself up to me on a daily basis.


...Still, writing this draft, looking at this screen, and seeing the word BLOG, freaks me out.


Hence, the title of this blog--"Be Not Afraid." Do you know that message appears in the Bible nearly 365 times? Thus, once every day, God reassures us not to be afraid of the world's challenges and toils. I tend to ignore that message, no doubt. It's not the first I have ignored from God. From making lists to possessing the social skills of a rock (my friend's words, not my own!), I know that I have a tendency to do as Adam and Eve did: I make myself a god--and not a very good one at that. But during the remainder of Lent (and more importantly, beyond the season itself), I wish to put aside my own will and unite it to the will of God. Thus, this title of this post is more perfect that I initially realized--the great "I Am" will always be there to catch fallen me.


Perhaps I should go back to writing English papers involving blood, corruption, and greed...for the time being anyway.


God bless you all,
Meg

Always think of Mary's humble, open
"yes" to the angel of the Lord.