Broken

Who isn't?


Lent feels like it has been going on for over forty days now, and I must admit that I have broken my Lenten promises several times within these few weeks. I feel two ways about this: full of shame and full of excuses.


On one hand, the resolutions I desired to make were (and remain) simple. Giving up snacks during work--that one even sounds selfish. Going to daily mass as often as possible--again, sounds slightly inconsiderate because it is at my convenience.  Visiting with the Lord at least once a day. Writing in my journal daily. Being a nicer person. Saying a daily rosary. Focusing on the good things in life rather than the finite pains. Smiling at strangers. All SIMPLE things, no? I thought about giving up coffee but realized that I would surely "DIE!!" without it. How silly. I've turned caffiene into some kind of "elixir of life" when Christ offers his eternal drink to me. And of course, how could I not think about the afterlife during the season of Lent? A teacher of mine one time joked that heaven would be something like a great feast, and we'd be amongst John the Baptist, Paul, Francis, Catherine of Siena, Mother Teresa, and all the great examples of Christ's love. What did they do to understand God's love? They gave up their lives to Him. And me? Well, I gave up snacks. Except on Sundays.


But I'm not entirely ashamed of my short-comings. Some days I'll just dismiss them all-together. Satan loves to sneak up on me and just whisper, "It's okay, you're just human, afterall." And I love to use that excuse so often in my life. Last night was an appropriate yet sad example of this. I was too lazy to leave my room to visit Jesus for the day. I excused myself, "Well, just let today count as your Sunday." And that's what I did. I continued procrastinating from my paper by checking facebook constantly and creating a blog. This past week in particular was filled with sad excuses as to why I couldn't finish that final decade of the rosary or why I had to miss weekday Mass in order to sleep for an extra hour.


I have never been perfect in my vocations as a student and as a child of God. I am broken. Being human is something that I must accept but never completely excuse.


I'll end this post with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs called "Christmas Lullaby" from the musical Songs For A New World:

I'll never have the power to control the land
Or conquer half the world
Or claim the sun
I'll never be the kind who simply waves her hand
And has a million people do
The things I wish I'd done

But in the eyes of heaven
My place is assured
I carry with me heaven's grand design
Glory, Oh,
Glory I will sing the name of the Lord
And He will make me shine

And I will be like Mother Mary
With a blessing in my soul
And I will give the world my eyes
So they can see
And I will be like Mother Mary
With a blessing in my soul
And the future of the world inside of me

In the eyes of heaven
My place is assured
I carry with me heaven's grand design
Glory, Oh,
Glory I will sing the name of the Lord
And He will make me shine

And I will be like Mother Mary
With a blessing in my soul
And I will give the world my eyes
So they can see
And I will be like Mother Mary
With a blessing in my soul
And the future of the world inside of me

And I will be like Mother Mary
With the power in my veins
To believe in all the things
I've yet to be
And I will be like Mother Mary
And I'll suffer any pains
For the future of the world
For the future of the world
Inside of me

Ciao and God bless you,

Meg